


Alternative Life

by Im_so_clumsy



Series: The Calm Before The Storm [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A Bunch of Silliness, F/M, Fluff, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-06 11:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17939237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_so_clumsy/pseuds/Im_so_clumsy
Summary: Just a bunch of silliness caused by our lovebirds being dorks.orWanda and Vision discuss the possibility of an alternate universe where everyone is human and everybody lives and Tony owns a coffee shop.





	1. The Good Guys

**Author's Note:**

> This wouldn’t go away and I don’t want to keep it to myself. Possibly OOC.  
>   
> I think this is crack. But only borderline crack. I think…

Wanda sighed contently when Vision tugged the blanket that rested on the couch over her. She shifted her head on the pillow that rested on his lap. Her eyes moved to the fireplace and watched the small flames flicker among the coals. Vision’s hand continued to run up and down her arm and she relished the familiar contact.

Her question broke the comfortable silence that had covered the apartment while they cuddled. “Vhiz, do you believe in alternate realities?” 

“Of course.” He sounded baffled by the question. “Why do you ask?” 

“How many do you think there are?”

“An infinite number. Every choice we make can cause a new reality.”

“So they are all, in essence, similar?”

“What do you mean?” 

She could almost feel Vision’s eyes on her, but she didn’t look away from the fire. “Well, could there be one where Stark isn’t a genius? Or one where superheroes and enhanced don’t exist?”

“Yes.” 

“Would you be there?”

“That’s unlikely. Although it wasn’t one of Mr. Stark’s most intelligent actions, if he didn’t create Ultron I would not be.”

“What if you came about a different way?”

“Such as?”

Wanda shrugged. “What if you were born?”

Vision hesitated. “You mean a reality where all of us, including myself, are ordinary humans?”

She looked to him and nodded.

“I… I suppose it’s possible. Though unlikely. My existence is very… unique.” He tilted his head. “What’s making you think of alternate realities?” 

Wanda smiled wryly. “Sam bought a few books at an old shop a few weeks ago. A few were science fiction.”

Vision smiled back and shifted beneath her on the couch. Wanda shifted as well so her back was against his chest. Vision’s arms tightened around her. “Alright, we’re all ordinary humans and Mr. Stark isn’t a genius. Do we still meet?”

“Of course we do,” Wanda turned to him and smiled. “Where do you think we meet?”

“Don’t many people meet at coffee shops? Perhaps I see you and ask for your number?”

“You?” Wanda questioned with raised eyebrows. She shifted just enough to meet his eyes. “You come up to a girl you’ve never met and out of the blue ask for her number?” She shifted back after his shrug. “What if one of us worked there? I could see you behind the counter, making perfect geometric shapes in the foam.”

He laughed with her. “Baristas are supposed to be able to converse easily with customers. I think you would be better suited for that.”

Wanda shook her head. “I wouldn’t want to have to deal with the people who order crazy drinks. I’d probably mess it up and get fired. So we don’t work there. How do we meet?”

“Why don’t we go with the classic ‘bump into a stranger and spill coffee everywhere’?”

Wanda frowned, unimpressed. “What if the coffee shop is very busy and you’re taking up an entire table that could’ve seated at least three. I’m desperate to sit somewhere and ask to join you.” 

“If I look like this,” Vision pulled his arm away to indicate his disguise, “I would be considered too old for you.”

Wanda again shifted to stare at him.

His lips twitched. “Love is for souls, not bodies.”

“Exactly.”

“If Mr. Stark isn’t a genius, what is he doing?” 

Wanda grinned and laid back down, Visions arm followed her. “He runs the coffee shop of course. And you know him; that’s why you don’t get kicked out for taking up an entire large table by yourself.”

“What do I do that would require an entire table?”

They thought for a moment.

“What if I was a teacher? I could have been grading. What do you do?”

“I’m a student,” Wanda decided after a pause. “And Nat is my roommate.” 

“If I know Tony,” Vision remarked. “I assume I’ll know Colonel Rhodes. Would he still be a Colonel or would he be a business partner?” 

“I think if Rhodey isn’t Stark’s business partner than Pepper would have to be.”

“Pepper is doing great things with SI, she should have her own company.” 

“If she’s running a company and Stark owns a _coffee shop_ , how are they engaged?”  


Vision shrugged. “I’m human, anything is possible. If you know Agent Romanoff, do you also get Clint?”

“Of course. But he’s older than us; it’s hard for me to imagine Clint without Laura or the kids. Maybe Nat’s not in school. She could just be someone I met. But she knows Clint too.”

“Where does Captain Rogers fit in? Do you get him?”

“I’ll take Steve. He can be my classmate.”

“Then you also get Sergeant Barnes.”

“And Sam.”

“Why do you get Sam?”

She laughed at the scowl in his tone. “Because I get Steve and he knows Steve better than you. You get Thor,” she remarked.

“He was one of the reasons I am alive. Would that fit into this reality?”

“You want Thor to be your father?” Wanda laughed.

“I, I didn’t mean that. But…”

“Mentor?” she offered. 

“That would be acceptable, he is older than anyone else. Would he be the headmaster?”

“I thought Fury would be in charge, but I like that idea better. If he is worthy to rule Asgard he should be able to handle a college, right?”

“If Stark owns a coffee shop…”

Wanda turned to him fully at his tone. She would remember the look on Vision’s face at the exact moment he decided to fully embrace the nonsense for the rest of her life.

“What does that make SHIELD?”

She laughed and settled back against him. “I guess it could be some sort of bar? Or restaurant? Fury could run a restaurant, right?”

“As long as Agent Hill is with him he should be able to.”

“Nat and Clint should work for Fury. He could be a cook and she could…”

“Be security?” Vision offered with amusement. 

“Or a bartender.”

“That would make more sense. Rodgers should work for Shield Restaurant and Bar as well. He could be the newly hired assistant manager under Agent Hill.” 

“Sam could help out Nat with the bar. And it needs a different name.” 

“It seems we have left the college behind.”

Wanda shrugged and tilted her head back. He shifted and smiled down at her. “I don’t mind the idea of being in college. It’s not something I would ever be able to do here and I really don’t know what I would be doing otherwise.”

“What about Barnes?”

Wanda leaned back. “He shouldn’t work for Shield, but I’m not sure. Banner?”

“He could be a professor at my school.” 

“You also get Parker,” she informed with a grin. “Would someone in high school be around?” 

“He could come by the coffee shop after school to work.”

Vision frowned. “If you go to college and I’m a college professor…”

Wanda hadn’t thought of that. “There is more than one college.” 

Vision looked at her with a gentle expression, “And Pietro? Does he attend my college or yours?”

Wanda was silent a few moments. 

“Yours.” She smiled. “There is a big rivalry between them so we tease each other that school will tear us apart. We live together, Nat can live near us.”

“Will he be the star of the track team?”

Wanda shook her head with a smile. “No. He always wanted to be an artist as a child. He was terrible, but very determined.” 

“A failed artist then?”

Wanda looked to him, her smile tinted with sorrow. “He can have his dream come true.”

“What about you, Wanda? What would your major be?”

“For a while I wanted to be a journalist. I guess I could do that? I never really thought about what I’d want to do.” 

The gentle look returned to Vision’s face. “And your parents?”

Wanda frowned. “They would like you, I think.” 

A silence passed.

“Vhiz, do you think I would be very different if my parents were alive?”

He thought for a moment. “I don’t believe so. You would have no reason to hate Mr. Stark so you wouldn’t have spent so much time with anger inside you. I still don’t see how you could be anything but the compassionate, determined, strong, loving person you are now.”

Wanda smiled at him. “You are an amazing man, Vision.” 

“After we first met,” Vision questioned. “Would I be able to stop thinking about you?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know I don’t believe in love at first sight, Vhiz. Besides, you would be focused on your work.” 

“You would be hard to ignore,” he countered with a smile. “What if we meet at the beginning of the year? Then as the year goes on we slowly get to know each other and towards your finals your determination continues to amaze me and I manage to gather enough courage to ask for your number. That way it will take me the better part of a year of knowing you before I ask you on a date, is that acceptable?” 

“Who said you would be the one to ask?”

“You don’t think I could at that point?”

“You could, I just might beat you to it.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that.” Vision hesitated. “Would you prefer that reality?”

Wanda looked to him with wide eyes. “Of course not. I love _you_ Vhiz. Not some silly made-up version.”

Vision smiled. He tightened his arms around her for a moment. “It’s getting late, you should eat.”

“I’m comfortable.”

“So am I. But you still need to eat and the chicken will overcook if we don’t take it out in the next five minutes.” 

Wanda smirked. “You know, the Vision in the other reality isn’t so pushy.”

Vision smiled back. “He is when it comes to your wellbeing.”

Wanda chuckled and reluctantly stood. “Vhiz…?”

He tensed at the teasing smile on her face. 

“Would JARVIS be your brother?”

Vision stared at her a moment before he took out the chicken and grabbed a plate.

“Oh, come on, think about it. You could be twins!”

He knew better than to try to backtrack the entire conversation. “I suppose I would also get FRIDAY as my sister?”

“And Parker’s AI! What is she called?”

“Karen.”

“Karen could be Friday’s daughter. Vhiz, you could have a niece.”

“Would Jarvis be Mr. Stark’s ever-loyal assistant?”

“What if they started the business together? It was Tony’s crazy idea and Jarvis was the one to make everything happen.”

“That would mean Rhodes isn’t his partner anymore. How does he fit in?”

“He could be a personal trainer.” 

Vision raised an eyebrow.

She shrugged. “You said he’s been working out more.”

“Where would Mr. Lang fit into all of this?”

Wanda frowned. “That is a really good question. I know he met Sam while trying to steal something from the Avengers’ Facility. I don’t really know much more about him. He was very quiet after we escaped and went back to his daughter as soon as he could. He could be a professor?”

“From what I’ve heard he doesn’t have the attention span for it.” 

Vision thought while she ate.

“Wanda? Should I be a professor? Or should I do something else?”

Wanda looked sincerely interested. “I thought you would like the idea of passing on knowledge. But what would you rather do?”

“I’m not sure. It just seems cliché for a professor and student to fall in love. If we parallel my life in this then Jarvis could somehow get injured and I could step in?”

Wanda accepted the situation with a nod. She smiled. “Was he hit by a car or something?”

Vision ignored the comment. “So everyone is alive and happy, correct?”

“It’s nice to think that it’s possible,” she agreed. Wanda’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth. “Why?”

Vision’s lips twitched. “Given that logic, all of our enemies would be alive as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter is being written now. It’s a little difficult to figure out where everyone fits together, especially the bad guys. But I have names and possible positions, I just need to do the finishing touches on who goes where. (aka: I’m totally capable of doing this on my own but if you have suggestions, feel free)  
> Ultron totally hits Jarvis. I just can’t decide if he’s a person or if Ultron is just the type of car…
> 
>  
> 
> Yeah, this is definitely crack.
> 
>  
> 
> Non-crack things are in the process of being written, I’m just not sure when they’ll be ready to post.


	2. And The Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late, I meant to post last weekend but then I got sick and haven't been up to doing much more than cough, sleep, and watch Netflix.  
> I hope you enjoy this. It's strange and ridiculous but the idea of poking fun at coffee shop/ all-human AUs was irresistible.  
> I am fully aware that this is not a full list of bad guys. They are just the ones Wanda would be most familiar with (I think).

“Shield is a restaurant and bar. What does that make Hydra?” Vision normally wouldn’t bother with such a ludicrous conversation, but the smile Wanda gave him was worth it. “A competing restaurant?”

“That seems a little too good for them,” she remarked before taking a bite of her dinner. 

“There aren’t any superheroes, so there’s also no evil masterminds,” he reminded.

“Alright. What if Hydra was a chain? They want to force Shield out of business?”

“So Alexander Pierce would head the company.” 

“Not the entire company. That should be, who is it?” Wanda looked down to think. “The man Steve first fought against?”

“Red Skull,” Vision replied when her eyes looked to him for assistance. “At least that’s what Rogers calls him.”

“Right. He owns the company. Pierce works for him.” She paused. “I’m not sure how List or Strucker would fit in.”

“Strucker could manage the Hydra restaurant closes to Shield’s.”

Wanda laughed. “This is ridiculous.”

“And you started it,” Vision reminded. 

It took her a few moments to stop laughing. 

“Okay, Strucker’s the manager. Then List is the assistant manager.” Wanda thought for a moment. “Actually, Strucker and List shouldn’t work together. They were always fighting, it would hurt the business.”

“So what do they do?” Vision chuckled. “Perhaps they are professors?”

Wanda grimaced. “I would need to have a professor I hate, I guess.”

“How would…” Vision tensed, the subject still hard to touch. “How would Zemo work into this?”

He didn’t mean for Wanda to sense his distress, but finding Tony in Siberia would always be a memory that caused a sinking feeling in his stomach. Her fingers brushed his hand. The contact caused him to relax and a smile returned to his face.

“Well…” He knew by the tone that Wanda was being sillier to try to make him relax. “He was interested in frozen things. He could own a frozen yogurt shop.”

Reluctant amusement crossed his face. “Who are we missing?”

“Stane was the man that wanted to steal Stark’s arch reactor, right?”

Vision gave a nod. “Obadiah Stain.”

“What if something like that was going on at the coffee shop?” 

“In what way?” His eyebrows rose. “Does he want to steal the secret recipe for Stark’s muffins?”

“His scones,” she corrected. “Stark’s secret scone recipe. Best in town.” 

Vision hesitated, almost dreading the answer to the next enemy but fully aware he wouldn’t get away from it.

“And Ultron? I assume he doesn’t work for Hydra.” 

“If you’re okay with the idea of Jarvis being hit by a car…” Wanda’s smile turned to a grin. “Ultron could be the new type of car that hits him.”

“Who would hit him? I dislike the idea of Tony running him over.”

“Tony doesn’t have to hit him. Maybe he forgets to put the parking brake on?”

Vision chuckled. “That’s better than having someone named Ultron running around.”

“Maybe.” She stood to put the plate in the sink. “You realize you would still be called Vision, right?”

“Why would I be called Vision? I doubt any human mother would name her child ‘vision’.”

“I’m sure Thor could find a reason to give you the nickname.” 

“This does mean that you’ll be called Scarlet Witch at some point.”

“Fair enough,” she agreed. Vision watched her think of the stories that the other Avengers had told her about. “Rhodey teased Stark about a bird man wanting to kill him a few times, he would never explain it, though.”

“Ivan Vanko, he wanted revenge on Stark. Apparently he was very obsessed with his cockatoo.” 

“Someone wanting revenge on Stark? Very surprising.”

“What if he owned a pet store?”

Wanda laughed. “A pet store?”

“He was obsessed with the bird.” 

“Alright.”

There was a pause.

“There’s one person we haven’t talked about yet.”

“No one ever knows what Loki is going to be doing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's one of the shortest things I've ever written and short chapters have always made me uncomfortable for some reason. I guess it just feels really abrupt. There was a lot of shifting people around and I know some make very little sense but throwing everyone in the Hydra restaurant food chain seemed boring and a little too simple.
> 
> I mean no offense to all-human / coffee shop AUs. They're adorable, some are brilliant. I tease because I love :)


End file.
